Hal Spacejock - Simon Haynes (SF ADV COM)

[marianne]

*This work is copyrighted and must not be reproduced without express permission of the author.


Title: Hal Spacejock by Simon Haynes
Publisher: Fremantle Press
Format: Trade Paperback, 181x111mm, 393 pages
ISBN: 192073189X ISBN-13: 9781920731892


Hal glanced round at the fugitives, then jerked his thumb at the taller, bronze robot. 'You can be Clyde, and he can be Albion.’
'I think that's Bonnie,' said the shorter robot, in a deep voice.
Hal looked pleased. 'I'm glad you like it. My name's Hal, by the way. Hal Spacejock.'



Synopsis:

An incompetent, accident-prone pilot is given one last chance to save his ship. An ageing robot is trusted with a midnight landing in a deserted field. And a desperate businessman is prepared to sacrifice both of them to get what he wants...

Combining relentless action with non-stop laughs, Hal Spacejock explodes onto the science fiction scene with the subtlety of a meteor strike and the hushed reverence of a used car salesman.

"Better than Red Dwarf" Tom Holt

The first five chapters of Hal Spacejock are available online:
www.spacejock.com.au/Hal1Sample.html

Read feedback comments on the books:
www.spacejock.com.au/Hal3Feedback.html

[marianne]

Chapter 1

Hal Spacejock was sitting at the Black Gull’s flight console, his attention riveted to a small chessboard balanced amongst the toggle switches, flashing lights and status displays. Recently he’d skimmed an article extolling the benefits of the ancient game: how playing it would sharpen his mind, improve his memory and increase his attraction to the opposite sex. Chess had been an important part of his daily routine ever since, but after two hundred and seventy-six losses in a row Hal was beginning to doubt the article’s claims. He didn’t feel any smarter and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken to a member of the opposite sex, let alone attracted one. Briefly, he wondered whether it was such a clever idea to play against the Navcom, the Black Gull’s onboard computer. Underpowered and outdated, it was still more than capable of running the ship’s accounts, navigation and life support systems while beating humans at simple board games. However, since Hal was the only human aboard the Black Gull, his choice of opponents was limited.
‘Your turn,’ said the Navcom, in a neutral female voice.
‘I’m thinking.’
‘While you’re planning your opening move, can I tell you about a special offer?’
‘What kind of offer?’ asked Hal suspiciously.
‘Planet Books have a chess title on sale.’
‘Really? Put it on main.’
The wide viewscreen above the console turned red, and the word ‘SALE’ appeared in vibrating yellow text. The letters grew legs and marched off the screen, bringing a wire basket on wheels into view.
‘I don’t need all this crap,’ said Hal. ‘Just show me the deal.’
‘Almost there,’ said the Navcom. ‘Keep watching.’
A flock of pigeons burst from the basket, scattering a cloud of feathers that dropped to the ground and formed the words ‘Special Offer’. A gust of wind blew the feathers away, and a book title flashed up on the screen.
‘Chess for the intellectually challenged?’ said Hal, staring at the cover in disbelief. ‘Is this some kind of joke?’
‘It’s part of a popular series,’ said the Navcom.
‘What are the others? Interstellar navigation for nutters? Moon landings for morons?’
‘Shall I add those titles to your basket?’
‘I don’t want any of them. And if you get any more offers like those, keep them to yourself.’ Hal turned his attention to the board, and after several moments of deep thought he moved a pawn. ‘E2 to E4.’
There was a slight delay. ‘E7 to E5,’ said the computer.
‘Got you thinking, eh?’
‘I was deflecting an enquiry about an unpaid bill. They were rather persistent.’
‘That won’t be a problem for much longer.’
‘No?’
Hal shook his head. ‘I’ve organised a meeting with the finance company. We’re getting another loan.’
‘You haven’t paid off the first one.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Hal with a casual wave of his hand. ‘These people love lending money.’
‘Not if they don’t get it back again.’
‘Look, you fly the ship and I’ll handle the cash. Got it?’
‘Are you instructing me to place the Black Gull’s finances in your hands?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Very well.’ The console screens flickered. ‘On monitor one you will notice a final demand from Lamira Ground Control for landing fees, port amenities and stamp duty. Monitor two is showing an overdraft penalty from the bank and monitor three contains a list of fuel and maintenance bills in descending date order.’
Hal looked from one screen to the next with growing concern. ‘You’d better hide that lot before the loan people get here. They might get the wrong idea.’
‘Or the right one,’ said the computer. The screens flickered and refilled with stacks of credit chips, gemstones and gold bullion. ‘Is this better?’
‘Very funny,’ growled Hal.
‘Your financial situation would improve if you weren’t so fussy selecting cargo jobs.’
‘I’ve told you before, I’m not doing anything illegal. Governments are short of ships, and they’ll snatch the Gull if I so much as look at a double yellow line.’
‘What about that cargo of medicinal products you were offered?’
‘Drugs.’
‘And the shipment of home defence equipment?’
‘Weapons.’
‘Those young men who wanted passage to Forg?’
‘Escaped convicts. Broke and desperate.’
‘What about Jerling Enterprises? They seemed legitimate.’
Hal snorted. ‘A front for the local crime lord.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Instinct. I could tell by the way they spoke. And the cargo sounded shifty.’
‘What’s suspicious about robot parts?’
‘They’re stolen goods, of course. Painting ‘Robot Parts’ on the crates might fool some, but I’m too quick for that old dodge.’
‘Very well, perhaps you could describe an acceptable job so that I might filter out the undesirables.’
Hal shrugged. ‘Something quick and easy. Pays well, no risk.’
‘In the freelance cargo business?’ The Navcom was silent for a moment. ‘Have you considered another profession?’
‘No I bloody haven’t. I know there are jobs out there, you’ll just have to find them.’
‘There may be suitable jobs elsewhere, but we’re docked on Lamira. This is a mining colony, so the range of freight work is somewhat limited.’
‘It’s the only place we could afford the landing fees.’
‘Which you still haven’t paid.’
‘Me?’
‘You’re in charge of accounts. Incidentally, there’s a call from Ground Control. Shall I put them on?’
‘Eh? No, tell them I’m busy.’
A chime rang out from concealed speakers.
‘Now what?’
‘There’s someone on the landing ramp.’
‘The loan arranger?’
‘I can’t say, my external camera is missing.’
‘So how do you know there’s anyone outside?’
‘Because they’re pressing the doorbell,’ said the Navcom, as the chimes rang out again.
Hal stood, strode to a set of controls on the wall and pressed the upper button. Hydraulics whined and a heavy circular door swung open, revealing a small airlock. Ducking under the low entrance, Hal entered the airlock and pressed the upper button on a second set of controls. Before the outer door was half open a huge robot barged in, its body bent double to negotiate a space built for humans.
Hal took one look at its grasping hands, jagged steel teeth and blood-red eyes and fled back to the flight deck. He slammed the inner door and fumbled for the lock, but before he could activate it the door burst open again. Hal dived for the access tube at the rear of the flight deck, hoping to escape to the lower passageway, but only managed two steps before the robot cut him off.
Hal and the robot faced each other for a couple of seconds, and then a short, middle-aged man entered the flight deck. He had a smooth, pale face and slicked-back hair, and his heavy overcoat was buttoned up to his neck.
‘Who the hell are you?’ demanded Hal.
‘Vurdi Makalukar at your service,’ said the man softly.
Hal nodded towards the hulking robot, unwilling to point in case it tore his arm off. ‘Is this thing yours?’
‘Brutus accompanies me on my rounds.’ Vurdi crossed to the console and turned the pilot’s chair, grimacing as he saw the exposed stuffing. He looked around for an alternative and found none. ‘Let us begin,’ he said, sitting on the edge of the seat. ‘I represent Garmit and Hash, Mr Spacejock, and I’m here to —’
‘You’re the loan guy?’ broke in Hal.
Vurdi nodded.
Hal gestured at the robot. ‘Do you treat all your clients like this?’
‘Brutus usually breaks a leg or two first, but in your case I felt it wasn’t necessary. After all, it’s a relatively modest sum of money.’
‘Breaks a leg?’ Hal eyed the hulking robot. ‘Do you get much repeat business?’
‘None, if I do my job properly.’ Vurdi sat back. ‘Now, are we paying by cash or cheque?’
‘I don’t care. It’s all the same to me.’
Vurdi smiled. ‘I confess, I came here expecting the worst. It’s most gratifying that you have the money to pay me.’
‘Pay you? No, you’ve got it all wrong. You’re here to set up a loan.’

[marianne]

The smile vanished. ‘You don’t honestly believe that? Mr Spacejock, your computer has been fobbing me off for weeks. You’re months behind with repayments.’
‘You mean it was a trick? You’re not giving me any money?’
‘I do believe we’re on the right track at last. You see, I’m here to collect back payments on your existing loan.’ Vurdi gestured at the robot. ‘If you’re quick, you can stay out of hospital.’
‘I don’t have anything to give.’ Hal spread his hands. ‘It’s been quiet, nobody’s hiring.’
‘We must honour our debts, Mr Spacejock. Payment in kind perhaps? A limb or two?’ The chair squealed as Vurdi turned his back. ‘I suggest you stand still, it’ll be quicker that way.’
‘Quicker? What —’ Hal dodged as Brutus reached for him with hands the size of shovels. ‘Hey, call it off or —’ The threat died in his throat as banana-sized fingers closed around his neck, and a split second later he was flat on his back. The giant machine crouched over him and tried to push him through the cold metal deck, and as the steel claws tightened on his throat Hal’s life flashed before his eyes — a series of heavy landings interspersed with explosions and multiple fractures.
‘Is he dead yet?’ called Vurdi.
Electric-tainted air blew over Hal’s face. ‘Nearly,’ growled the robot.
‘All right, let go.’
The robot hesitated for a moment, then unwrapped its hands and stood up.
‘Let’s start again, Mr Spacejock.’ Vurdi lifted the queen from the chessboard and examined the underside. ‘Where’s the money?’
‘I told you, I don’t have anything.’
Vurdi tumbled the chess piece in one hand. ‘You know, it’s just as well your insurance is paid up.’
‘What are you saying?’
‘Imagine if the unthinkable happened to your ship. Garmit would get their money, I would earn my fee and you … well, you’d get a few lines in the local paper.’
‘You’ll never get away with it!’
‘Several of my ex-clients expressed the same opinion.’ Vurdi shook his head sadly. ‘Alas, I proved them wrong.’
‘Look, there is something.’
‘There always is. How much?’
‘No, a guy called this morning with an urgent cargo job.’
Vurdi raised one eyebrow. ‘Why didn’t you mention it earlier?’
‘What earlier? I opened the door and your robot tried to rip my head off.’
‘Drama bores me, Mr Spacejock. Give me the details.’
‘This guy wants me to cover his next pickup. His regular freighter is out of action.’
‘Most convenient.’ Vurdi’s dark eyes studied Hal’s face. ‘When will this job be completed?’
‘I’ve got twenty-four hours.’
‘Very well, Brutus will collect the money tomorrow afternoon.’ Vurdi laid the chess piece on the board and stood. ‘No need to show me out. Come, Brutus.’
Hal jumped as the robot’s foot thudded down next to his face. He felt its hands grabbing at his clothing, pulling him up until he was staring into its blood-red eyes. Breath hissed between its wafer-thin lips as hidden fans worked overtime to keep its circuits cool. ‘I’ll be b—’
‘Brutus, come!’ snapped Vurdi from the airlock.
The robot dropped Hal and left the ship with slow, measured footsteps. As the outer door thudded to, Hal sat up. ‘Navcom?’
There was a crackle from the console. ‘Yes, sir?’
‘Call Jerling Enterprises.’
‘The front company for the local crime lord?’
‘Yes. Tell them I’ll take their cargo job.’
‘The shipment of stolen goods?’
‘That‘s it.’
‘But you turned them down!’
Hal felt his neck gingerly. ‘I just changed my mind.’

[morbius]

I've heard of this book before, and have to admit, now I am interested. I loved Red Dwarf and an old show called Quark (the intergalactic garbage collector). I am going to be sitting in airports for long periods of time shortly...

Craig

[Simon Haynes]

Hi Craig,

Marianne invited me to reply, so I hope you don't mind me saying Hi.

The Hal books have been doing well through airport bookstores for some reason, although if I were getting onto a plane I think Hal's piloting mishaps would be the last thing I'd want to read about ;-) On the other hand, he's so bad he makes the professionals look really, really good...

Cheers
Simon

[morbius]

Simon,

Thanks for the response

I'll pick this up next time I catch a plane (Tuesday, actually). How many of these have you written, and are more in the works?

Craig

[morbius]

Picked it up. Read it, loved it and in search of the next one

Craig

[Simon Haynes]

Glad you enjoyed it :-) The third book came out 9 months ago now, so it's going to be harder to find copies of books 2 and 3 in stores. I believe all the independents have them on the shelf, though.

Fortunately, book 4 is coming out at the end of March/start of April, and shops often order a few more copies of the earlier books with each new release. And people wonder why authors and publishers like an ongoing series ;-)

[morbius]

Simon,

Thanks. I just picked up the second one and will be reading that as I travel overseas to work next year

I'll keep an eye out for the others as well.

Craig

[Simon]

Never mind the first chapter of Hal Spacejock ... you can now download the entire first book free:

www.spacejock.com.au/Hal1Download.html

Cheers
Simon